I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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