Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize