Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
