Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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