my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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