i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
