i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
