its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
