My sheets look like a crime scene.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
