I bet he comes in French.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
