member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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