Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
