Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
