Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
