oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
