It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
