I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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