I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
