I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
