At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
