I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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