i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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