so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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