I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I need a burrito and a hug.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
