He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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