Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
