My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
