Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
