So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
