Pants 0. Shit 1.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
