Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
