i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
