It's Friday. Sex?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize