I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
