i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
