my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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