is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
