We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Enjoy the penises
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize