some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
