How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
