I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
