Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
