You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
