...so i touched it.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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