Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
