My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
you never un-have a 4some
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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