Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
COCAINE IS GR8
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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