Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize