Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
