apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
