This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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