you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I need moral support for this bender
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
