Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
