There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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