Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
