you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
