.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
