whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
