and my herpes radar will keep us safe
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
