bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
