hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
