Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
