Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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