You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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