whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
