She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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