5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
