I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
