i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
