Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
thus making me awesome and them whores
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
