she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize