You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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