Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
