I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
