I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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