sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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