oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
