wrigley field is MILF paradise
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
