then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The Olympian is in my bed
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
