drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
