We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
