I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize