I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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