As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
They took my balls.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
