When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
