Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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