He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
