My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
