Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
