If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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