I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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