I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
