Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
