and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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