I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
