I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
