chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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