Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
