You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You can't special order awesome
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
