he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
