I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize