she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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