at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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